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Newton, the smartest....

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .

Einstein says " newton's out..newton's out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared..... . Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......!

LSU professor resolves Einstein's twin paradox

BATON ROUGE � Subhash Kak, Delaune Distinguished Professor of Electrical and Computer Engineering at LSU, recently resolved the twin paradox, known as one of the most enduring puzzles of modern-day physics.

First suggested by Albert Einstein more than 100 years ago, the paradox deals with the effects of time in the context of travel at near the speed of light. Einstein originally used the example of two clocks � one motionless, one in transit. He stated that, due to the laws of physics, clocks being transported near the speed of light would move more slowly than clocks that remained stationary. In more recent times, the paradox has been described using the analogy of twins. If one twin is placed on a space shuttle and travels near the speed of light while the remaining twin remains earthbound, the unmoved twin would have aged dramatically compared to his interstellar sibling, according to the paradox.

�If the twin aboard the spaceship went to the nearest star, which is 4.45 light years away at 86 percent of the speed of light, when he returned, he would have aged 5 years. But the earthbound twin would have aged more than 10 years!� said Kak.

The fact that time slows down on moving objects has been documented and verified over the years through repeated experimentation. But, in the previous scenario, the paradox is that the earthbound twin is the one who would be considered to be in motion � in relation to the sibling � and therefore should be the one aging more slowly. Einstein and other scientists have attempted to resolve this problem before, but none of the formulas they presented proved satisfactory.

Kak�s findings were published online in the International Journal of Theoretical Science, and will appear in the upcoming print version of the publication. �I solved the paradox by incorporating a new principle within the relativity framework that defines motion not in relation to individual objects, such as the two twins with respect to each other, but in relation to distant stars,� said Kak. Using probabilistic relationships, Kak�s solution assumes that the universe has the same general properties no matter where one might be within it.

The implications of this resolution will be widespread, generally enhancing the scientific community�s comprehension of relativity. It may eventually even have some impact on quantum communications and computers, potentially making it possible to design more efficient and reliable communication systems for space applications.

For more information, please contact Subhash Kak at 225-578-5552 or kak@ece.lsu.edu.

Single Breath Sentence

An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs. Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasms.

Some reasons why its great to be a man

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles-add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress 00; Tux rental 0.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

Modems vs Women

Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:
A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it.
Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".
When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
A modem won't say a word if you come home late.

Yoga

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga.
She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.
Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No ,"she replied, "but now I can reach my toenails so I bite them instead."

Strange Leave Applications!

Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied forleave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my landalong with my wife,please sanction me one-week leave.

*Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from anemployee who was performing his daughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant aweek's leave.."

*From H.A.L. Administration dept:"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only oneresponsible for it,please grant me 10 days leave."


*Another employee applied for half day leaveas follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10o-clocks and I may notreturn, please grant me half day casual leave"

*An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one dayholiday."

*A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am sufferingfrom headache. I requestyou to leave me today"

*Another leave letter written to theheadmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leavefor the day."

*Actual letter written for application ofleave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I amher only husband at homeI may be granted leave".
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?Banta Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Banta Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure.
The answer is 6!!!

Pa Won't Like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

Exam

Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked himhow did he do his exam,
for that he replied
"Exam was okay, but for thepast tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ...

and atlast I wroteTHUNK !!!"

Two Sardars

Sardar: bata meri tokri me kya hai to sab ande tere. ya fir ye bata kitne haito 8 ke 8 tere, ya fir ye bata de ke kiske hai to murgi bhi teri..
2nd sardar:Hint de yaar !!